The Fisherman and The Deep

An extraordinary storm is coming
And extraordinary opportunity

The kingdom of God suffers violence,
and the violent take it by force.

The rational flee for high ground
The irrational will thrive.

Preparing the vessel

Fishing
Let it go. Let it run A light touch With slack in the line
Some moments require attention, not work
In these moments, awareness is our greatest strength
Yet we fear an open hand is the path to loss
Relaxed participation may leave us without tangible feedback
Are we certain there is something on our line?

The strong man, ambitious, catches fish
The wise man may
He may allow them to catch themselves.

In these moments of rest, there is little to do
Little to say Much to be
The moment calls for rest
The strong man cannot resist vain effort
Ambition strives to reach manufactured goals
What harm can it do to try?
Their being remains underdeveloped
They remain unborn and unprepared.

To the Doers, the lazy and the wise appear insubordinate
The lazy puts forth no effort, falling further behind
The wise restfully excels
Being still, one will, therefore, be
Rest, and build the ship called Man

Build this ship

An unprecedented storm is rising
The wise have prepared their being
They set sail, passing those retreating to safe harbor
Having never left port, the lazy are one step ahead
They wait ashore for these sensible men in retreat
Having never left the sea, beyond sight of the shore
The madmen greet the wise men in pursuit
The lazy, in the company of the sensible
Therefore we are sensible
The mad in the company of the wise
Are we not clearly wise?

The oceans churn, confusing the sea life
Sustenance leaps into your vessel
Delicacy rushes into your traps.

Rising. Rising. Fear and fire
In the heart of those the sensible admire
Leviathan ushers through cresting swells
The sensible remain sheltered and longing
Rising and riding the back of the beast
A ship to embrace a bountiful feast
Equipped for moonless typhoon navigation
Captures the treasure of an unseen aberration
The mad and irreverent sail brazen and boast
But only the wise will return to the coast

Rising – Inhabitants of the Deep

Erie sounds rise from unexplored depths
Shutters and groans Aquatic profanities
Abysmal occupants must follow
On the surface, agreement that abominations lurk.

What is it that rises up from the sea?
Through the striae in the veil and into our domain?
What creatures of the deep, unfamiliar with a man’s embrace?
And who is qualified to receive them?

Taking the bait

No collective memory of being snared
Never has one been captured or tamed
Unseen creatures ascend to sunlit waters
Catching a new scent, one seeks the bait
With confidence, it consumes the hook

Confused by the pain, it panics and writhes
Ripping and pulling, strong as the sea itself
Unfamiliar with fighting an unseen surface foe
In disbelief the creature darts to and fro
Away from its hunter, then powerfully toward

A stranger in this land of illumination
Sent by an unprecedented storm that confused its routing
Unfamiliar with a dimension of visibility
Or one with a gaseous, spacious atmosphere
The heat. The low pressure causes irrepressible expansion
So much drama and sensation heightened by this storm.

In powerful confusion it breaches the ocean’s surface
Rising into sight, its majesty is finally revealed
This foreign creature looms large
Clearly a predator in his land, and possibly ours.

Proof of life

The others deny such a dimension exists
A depth and pressure capable of supporting this exotic life form
A world blinding, crushing, suffocating to the physicality
of men
Ego will not abide
Only the humble consider it.

But this jubilant storm tore striae in the veil
Citizens of the abyss moved through
An extraordinary migration
Undeniable evidence of the feared and unseen
They rose to the surface, revealing mysteries
In a particular time and place
You met them there.

The sensible strain to catch a glimpse
Safely ashore, clothed in cotton
The rising tide, forcing them to higher ground
They shout conflicting advice
In canvas armor, you fight
Covered in his blood, this bloody communion
With each breath, inhaling a strange, exhilarating odor
A scent never detected in our atmosphere.

Singular beast

Twists in the churning sea
His unseeing eye meets the fisherman’s
In it, a ghostly power
The result of a single, undivided mind
His size, his belief in his superiority, and his singleness
So believing, he has never considered disbelief
Unaware of, therefore, unmoved by the opinions of others
Blind to their thoughts, feelings or opinions
Unable to consider how he might be perceived.

He is a beast; heartless
Lacking empathy, loyalty is profane
Disconnected from all beyond himself
Resolutely indifferent toward others
Zealously single-minded and decisive
Still fully convinced he is the apex predator
Without inner conflict his eye transmits this belief
He casts a spell of charisma on all who enter his presence

Without a conscience, his singleness comes easy
We admire and envy his decisiveness and confidence
There is nothing else
It’s devotion to one simple motivation—
Stay alive at all costs, without exception.

Tempted by the Singular

We have been complicated by our conscience
By laws that direct our behavior
By socialness, the awareness of others
The desire to connect and remain connected
We strive for a heavenly standard
The exhausting juggling act of life
We try to get what we need from others
And remain on good terms
Those of us still integrating our conscience are a house divided
Double-minded and divided in our loyalties
We are split, and we war, waiting for Oneness

The singleness of this predator of the deep
His fight bears witness to his perfect motivation
Never once ashamed Never once self-betrayed
Never trained to cower in the midst of accusation
It is true to what it is
With charisma alone it may subdue nations
Its resolute will shifts the tides of others’ perception.

Exposed by our opponent’s purity
Illuminating our doubt and fear
We stand accused of…Domestication

This terrible, singular magnificence is god-like
An unprepared fisherman my freeze in the wonder
Shadow calls to shadow
He is hypnotized into shedding his thin persona
Singleness calls him down, as sirens of the sea
Luring him with a twinkling eye
Suddenly, unexpectedly present
Offering relief from a burden he had been unaware of
Tempted by the single-minded, unapologetic will
Surrender to a path free of conflict

The fisherman yearns to live this powerfully and simply
Lost in the majesty and power of his new discovery
Perhaps it is the fisherman who should be snared
Served up to this force of nature
Fueling its pure wonder for another day

The singularly mad, also undivided,
having exiled any immature aspects,
ones that experience uncertainty,
find a kindred spirit in this emergence
They do not resist the invitation for a moment
The mad dive into the mouth of the beast
But there are barbs in this surrender

False Charisma

First there was Singleness
Aloneness Life without connection to others
Deciding to kill was easy
Then Conscience was born
We learned to not kill
Now, we must learn to kill with a conscience

Our conscience is a birth into a new dimension
Yet we are born as babes Floundering and helpless
Learning the ways of this new higher dimension.

This monster is a king in his two-dimensional world
We are only serfs in our three-dimensional world
His nobility on full display
It calls to us to bow down and serve

Behold, the revealer of your soul!

What do you say, oh man?
Who among you is shameless, as this beast?
Who among you feels no need of forgiveness?
Without law, this monster is blameless.
Without a judge, accusation incinerates in his atmosphere
He does not reconsider
His is embodied power when power serves him
He kills when his appetite rises
He rests when tired
Who among you is One, as he is?
Do you sleep so well after a murderous rampage?

You thirst for this peace;
Freedom from the critical whip that drives your behavior
He is a beast, but you carry the burden of an unseen master
He is a celebration and you are duplicitous
You may snare him, but which of you is more captive?

Falling

Look how weary you are from this inner division
This burden of conscience you carry
You are not allowed what you naturally want
You cannot achieve what you are told you must
What kind of god do you serve?
 
What, exactly, are you waiting for?
Some form of deliverance?
Is there an articulable path to empowerment?
A light that shines brighter than the aura of the deep?
A fool hopes A man takes
Why pine for an unsubstantiated liberty?
You can have this right now!

Embrace this path
Be instantly relieved of this double-minded burden
End this war the heart wages against the mind.

If you are too cowardly to own this path you desire
Unwilling to be Single
Then submit to one who is
Share in the bounty
Relieve yourself of the responsibility of choosing
Alleviate the shame, guilt, self-judgment, self-hatred
Surrender decision-making to this charismatic leader
One who sees the inner war empathy creates
One who never asks you to choose between what you want
And want is ‘right’
One whose is undivided
Empowered by his one commitment
One who shines with Singleness

 
The wise resist this seduction

The wise know better
Bestial Singleness is not above our double-mindedness
His singleness comes not from unity with others,
but through heartlessness,
Exiling the aspect that connects to others

We grow through the awareness of others’ needs
He dismisses others as non-entities
Within, he is uncontested
Bone-chillingly one Heartlessly singular
He is sub-dimensional, not extra-dimensional
To join him is not transcendental, it is degeneration
This is the serpent’s offer that causes men to fall

The wise know Singleness is a poor counterfeit for Oneness
Both are free from accusation and shame
Both are single-minded and decisive
One is nurturing and warm, delivering growth
The other, deathly cold
One has sight, the other, blind
In their charisma, one invites us into love and expansion
The other to death, severance, and emptiness

A true leader will not relieve his people of their own growth
He does not expose fear and pain to manipulate it
He does not ask his followers to sever a part of themselves

Weapons of Wisdom

The wise know we must be still
We must Be.
Riding the fence is no longer an option
A false savior approaches
He offers to relieve us of double-mindedness
We must see this for what it is
We must make peace with our different aspects
This will immunize us to the temptation to sever
This can only be done when we sit down and Be

To honor the Sabbath is to honor a day of being
One out of seven days we reestablish ourselves
We break the spell of doing
We practice being while others vainly do
They hollow themselves in the process
Their land does not rest
They deplete the soil of its nutrients
Terrestrial illness
They reach for synthetic remedies
Forcing production year after year
A synthetic harvest
Such offerings have the appearance of nutrition
But they cannot sustain life
They grow weak
Evident when true strength is called for
When a shadow emerges from the depth
They are powerless to defend against its Singleness
They are powerless to tame and integrate it

Make peace within
Know yourself before the depth rises
Before its creatures call you to themselves
Before they take the form of antagonizing foes
Before they manifest as intimidating tyrants
Before they call as seductive sirens.

The wise have the antidote to the false charisma
By addressing the Single within and integrating it
They easily resist the summoning of the beast
The wise honor noble conviction
They dismiss condemning accusation

The wise know their own hearts, and be.
They harness the deep
Snatching life from the chaotic sea
Having communed with it in battle
The deep will knows their will
The deep knows the leadership of the wise
Monsters find their home with the wise
They are transformed and adopted into the fold
They provide offerings; secrets and medicine
And the wise are more whole through this process
They will increase
 
Prepare for greatness!
Salvation is being delivered!

The beast wished to fully express himself
He knows no way to do this as part of a whole
He spends precious energy emerging and crashing
The wise contain this with measured patience
Without judgement they permit it to thrash and wail
In a contained space, they bear witness
They honor without worship
They commune without submitting.

The Being that defeats Singleness

We cannot succumb to inner division
Forgiveness is a necessity, not a luxury
It is the antidote for self-hatred
We dismiss accusation and shame
The ascended are immune to the charms of the Single
True peace disarms envy

The Single seduce with a dynamic form of power
But it is dreadfully limited
It is the meek that inherit the Earth—
Those who have power, restrained by love
The extra-dimensional man.

The Single lacks dimensions the heartful occupy
Incapable of perceiving what the heartful perceive
Even the ill of heart perceive more than the Single
The Single becomes jealous and vindictive and resentful
He is trapped in his world of limitation
He cannot outgrow it without embracing the heart he despises
The conscience.

If you aren’t growing, you’re dying.
The sales pitch of the serpent in the garden
Mimicked by the Single
The Single cannot be satisfied with being established
They must grow into domination
Foolishly expanding until there is nothing left but self
Then, displeased, they begin to destroy
They cannot transcend the dimension of their singleness
To be born into another would expose weakness
They cannot grow into uncertainty
They cannot embrace their wounded aspects
They cannot accept anything that causes them to doubt

The wise establish themselves in a dimension of life,
They learn to bring order and maintain
Then focus on a new frontier; a new dimension
The Single collect magnitude
The Wise collect dimensions

One who practices forgiveness always outshines
His growth is unlimited
In time, he overpowers the Single.

The power of ascension

The ascending man appreciates his accomplishments
But having put shame and accusation to rest,
he is proud of how he maintains in the midst of failure
This makes him unstoppable
The ability to fail and remain present
He can embark on a journey of new weakness
Thereby growing into new strength
No apologetic recoil into a smaller space
No retreat into a smaller part of himself
Embracing failure as a friend
A sign of a future hope of success
Welcoming responsibility as proof of ability
When he transgresses, he pays a measured penance
Yet he maintains healthy boundaries

I am not afraid of what I may do with my power
I will not be whipped for my sins
So I have no need to bury a convicting conscience
It serves, and does not condemn me
So there is no value in severing
I will not exchange it for the serpent’s false peace
I have no interest in psychopathic singleness
I hold fast to my heart and every other aspect
The path to Oneness
The Single lie flat before me.

Isn’t our apocalyptic storm not upon us now?
Isn’t the churning abyss offering up its inhabitants?
Are the sensible not fastened to the shore of old institutions
and stone forts?
The wise are few
They grow in number
The remnant are waking

The reward of the catch

The wise collect the bounty of the deep
Novel medicine and unprecedented strength
Extradimensional love and abilities
They share it with others; proof of life below
They see, and impart vision
They fly, and impart wings
The infirmed are cleansed
The deaf hear The dead are raised
The impoverished receive good news
Only here Only now
Only for to one who have prepared

This coming storm
A remnant will set sail for it
Ones who have practiced unconditional love
Inviting the shadows to emerge and participate
Ones who have built the storm-worthy vessel of themselves
A remnant will face the deep
They will be reborn and collect the bounty
They will return to shore anew, miraculously empowered.

As the storm builds, you will not remain ashore
You will not bow in the presence of exotic majesty
Behold, the power of the deep!
Let the shiver move through
Let it report in you
Then, subdue it.

Establish yourself here
Integrated, the scent of the depth will not leave you
The power of the deep perspires through the pores of the
meek.

If we want to survive our own time,
We must integrate the deep
Love them, even as they surround us
Even as they pitch our boat and confuse our compass
All must be reconciled
All will be one.

• – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

I have great news

I have great news that doesn’t sound great at first.
Would you like tasty candy that toxifies the body, or bitter medicine that heals and revives?

(If nothing else, heed the warning at the end of this post)

In January of 2003, I left a great career, gave away all my money and possessions, and started walking. In that journey, I was audited. The best and worst in me came out. It wasn’t about controlling my tendencies or behavior, it was about letting the seeds I had sewn in my life bear fruit, good and bad. It was the most magical time of my life. I lived with one foot in the unseen world. It had a preordained moment to end. I could not control that.

Others were audited as well. Some treated me amazingly well. Others hated me for no reason. They didn’t’ realize I had more to offer them than they had to offer me.

I was shown that the world, or at least the U.S., would experience this same audit in the near future.
I wrote a book about it called The Audit.

Now we find ourselves in 2025. The audit is here. It has been for a while.
The books are opened. Within us and around us, all is being revealed.
Our strengths are being exposed. Our weaknesses are being exposed.
Personally and collectively.

The great news? You aren’t going crazy. You aren’t losing your mind.
I mean, you probably are insane, but in a normal, human way.
You probably have an inner war taking place, but that’s only because you’ve exile parts of yourself that are ready to come home. Now it’s being revealed.

This revealed brokenness; it’s happening to us all.
You may feel unable to control your actions, your emotions, your beliefs, your perspective.
You may be watching yourself make bad decisions, not understanding why you won’t change.
You may feel like there is a demon taking over parts of you.
All normal stuff.

If you have sewn seeds of suspicion and victimhood in your own mind, you may find yourself paranoid.
If you’ve been waiting for a savior or expecting a villian, you may see them in places they do not exist.
If you have trouble trusting people, you may find yourself highly suspicious of others and alone.
If you are a people pleaser, you may be completely taken advantage of.
You may see people using each other, everywhere you look.
You may feel humanity is a lost cause as the worse in us manifests through us.
(Fill in your issues here…)

From one nutjob to another, I can tell you This is all normal.
You feel insane because we are literally insane.
Our minds are not functioning well.
We are not sober, but we can choose to stop running and be sober.
We are not sane, but as we learn to love our broken selves, we will be.

Don’t be afraid of what I’m saying. This is taking us somewhere beautiful.
You may feel exceptionally gifted in some areas, and exceptionally deficient in others.
This may create wild emotional swings as you identify with these different aspects of who you are.
Okay. All are welcome.

What we have written into our lives cannot be unwritten.
The transactions we have made cannot be retracted.
What we have sewn into the soil cannot be unsewn.
What is taking place has been set into motion for years.
The health of the tree is being revealed.
The choices we have made are now bearing fruit.
Can we change the quality of the fruit without healing the tree?
As we heal the tree, does its fruit immediately respond, or will it reflect in the next season?

This season needs to run its course.
There is a diving timing to it.
Please sit with this.
Be lovingly curious toward our wounds and outbursts.

Spiritual phenoms will be birthed through this process.
Children raised during this season may be the most developed humans we have ever seen.

We are being shown what works and what does not work.
We are experiencing the results of living loving lives and fearful lives.
This will help us release beliefs and behaviors that don’t serve us.

Each of us is the problem, and that’s no problem.
Let that empower you. Let that heal you.
Let that liberate you from your fear of the outside world.
Those who may be able to do you harm are laughably incapable of controlling us or directing our destiny. Release that fear.

Focusing on our pain points, we feel our lives are falling apart.
Only parts of our lives are falling apart. And they need to. This is grace. It helps unravel the pretense that keeps us from healing and growing. Everything that is happening is for your good. For your best.

One of the hardest parts of this is our judgment and condemnation toward the fruit we are bearing, and others as well.
The audit may expose and celebrate a strength we have.
It’s an area where another person is weak.
So the distinction between us and them in this particular area is very pronounced.
It makes them look crazy while we feel exceptionally sane.
This makes it easy to see them as subhuman; as if we aren’t even a part of the same species.
As if the world would be better if we got rid of them.

This is why it has become popular to call people NPCs (Non-player characters). These are soulless and thoughtless programs wandering the landscape of a video game to create the illusion of being populated by other people.
We are strongly condemning, and being strongly condemned.
This is making this process much harder than it needs to be.
(But if we were without fear, this process wouldn’t be necessary in the first place.)

What can we do?

Consider being exceptionally gracious in this season
We are all going through the fire.
Fires hurt. We usually avoid them. There is no avoiding this one.
Don’t expect yourself or others to die a Romeo and Juliet death.
This is an oozing, stinky, messy process.
Don’t expect yourself or others to suffer valiantly, raising a sword against your adversaries, defiantly glaring at your torturers.
If you can choose it, be gracious. Remember there is pain and suffering all around.
Remember that your worst enemies may be having an equal and opposite reaction to the same wound you carry.

Remember gratitude.
Pain draws our attention, but in some ways, we are each coming though this exceptionally well.
We are each thriving in this fire and being proven ready for our coming ascension.

Remember that, more than ever, we may have less control over the fruit we bear in this season.
That which is standing is standing.

This audit is a fire. It will burn clean. It will leave gold. It will make us better. It will remove our insanity. It will introduce us to lives beyond what we had hoped for. It will usher us into dimensions we didn’t know existed. And all of it is our birthright. We have spent at least an age blindly running from our inheritance. We are being ushered back home now.

What I am sharing, you may not hear anywhere else.
Possibly because those speaking the loudest haven’t earned the right to say what I am about to tell you. (We have exchanged wisemen and prophets for infotainment and echo chambers.)

A word of warning:
There is earned/given knowledge, borrowed knowledge, and stolen knowledge.
This is a sacred message. I lived this, and continue to live it. I walked the highways on winter nights with nothing. I had beings appear and disappear in my presence. I was hungry, and I was fed. I spent time in warm beds and in a hospital bed. I earned or was given this message for the benefit of others.
That being said, you may pass this along. But if you share this truth with others, point them to my post or article or video. Do not pass this off as your own earned/given insight. That would be stolen knowledge. I’m telling you this for your own benefit. There is a burden attached to this truth, and there is a life you must live to say this with authority. And if you claim the message as yours, the burden will be with you, and you will have a life that earns you the right to say it.

Agreement with Creation

Prologue
Zion National Park

5/20/24

Clouds roll into Zion
The tunnel entrance acclimates to my truck and trailer
Entering the mountain, the tunnel narrows
Constricting my lifestyle
I travel taller, wider, and longer than this tunnel prefers
Soon, it will be off limits to us folk
Descending, drawing downward
Echoes report as the diesel engine clacks
Tire noise and trailer squeaks
A sonic mirror
Every audible detail amplified and rebroadcasted

Sunlight cast upon the entrance fades
Dispersed archways on the right
They offer brief illumination
Glimpses of the steep, narrow valley
A view, presently, over a menacing cliff
hints of where this leads.

The tunnel’s threshold births into a new world
Hundreds of feet below the entrance
In the valley, winds rise
Gathering clouds block the sun
Masking details of elevated lightning
Reports of thunder follow, and echo
A twisting pass, still descending
A horseshoe bend slows traffic to a crawl
Cars fill much of this overlook.

Winds crash through the assertive mountain peaks
Down into this valley from the north
South, two ranges converge at a landslide cul-de-sac.

Wait here.

Exiting the truck to sudden, sporadic rain, sleet, and hail
Stinging exposed skin
Majestic Powerful Beyond control
Tourists run to their vehicles for shelter

Atmospheric formations twist through the valley
The formless taking form when acted upon by added forces
Intermittently manifesting in our visible spectrum
A swarm of interdimensional insects
They dance and wave across the asphalt road
Rays of sunlight illuminate these wild apparitions
We are captives of a wild storm,
It winds into a bottle— a natural land slide amphitheater.

In majesty, I am prone to ambush
Composure is lulled to sleep and authenticity awakens
Spontaneity escapes with a sincere prayer
“Come on, show me some power! This life is meaningless!”

The storm instantly gathers strength
Rain on a stinging face
It graciously obscures this emotional countenance
A short, poignant message departs
Quickly ushered through the veil before I can recapture it
Flashing, jagged, and precise as the lighting
Did it begin terrestrially or strike from above?

The connection is quickly severed
The line is dead

 
Chapter 1
Eye-to-Eye

I asked for something real
It came.

Waking 10 miles outside Zion
In a new place, nothing new
I never settle down
Taking to the road a month ago provided novelty and hope
Excitement around new possibilities
What may happen Who I may meet
Alive, for a few weeks, then…
People, still people Places are places I am still me.
There are still concepts in my mind that I can’t articulate
Language is not my native tongue
So few sounds, symbols, and adjectives
Hope fades and normalcy returns
Baseline of lethargy, disinterest, and boredom
Where to from here? isn’t a question
It’s a concession of defeat
Early retirement has challenges

Maybe I should go back into Zion
It was impressive It made an impact
I felt something there
Maybe there’s something there for me
I don’t want to miss out
Ah, the ol’ “I don’t want to miss out” thing.
The ol’ “I need something, and maybe it has what I need” thing.

Good point
I can’t feel anything anyway, so what’s the fucking difference?
Zion—a drop of water on a burning tongue
A fleeting contract to the mundanity
It sharply exposes what is missing
A freshly baked pie wafting from someone else’s window sill
An awakened stomach finds nothing to digest.

Before Zion, I had adjusted to the darkness of night
Dilated pupils allowed in subtle light
I was able to see some detail in the darkness; some distinction
Faint reflections of light off certain surfaces
But that moment in Zion flashed like lightning
A brightness that burned into my retinas
Pupils constrict
Now all is black again, for awhile

Gotta watch out for that traveler’s dope
The biggest rocks The brightest colors
Deepest steepest highest longest oldest
Chasing—It never delivers
It disrupts being established in the present moment

So what am I doing out here?
I came to enjoy the open spaces
But that doesn’t resonate
It isn’t clearing my head or bringing rest.

I came to participate in the nomad community
See if there is a place for me
So far, people are people.

So what am I doing out here?
Putting miles on a $75,000 truck I refuse to pay for.
Does that feel meaningful?
A little bit, I guess
Life hack Beat the system Etc

Ultimately, I arrived here by following someone else’s lead
I decided to come West, beginning in Phoenix
due to an unexpected death in the family.

I’m suddenly snatched from these thoughts:
Eye-to-eye.
A repeating lesson
Eye-to-eye

Put nothing on a pedestal
No natural formation No ancient architecture or culture
No modern system No people
Have no gods Meet the world eye-to-eye
I see you I also see me.

 
I learned this many years ago
Then again while motorcycling through Mexico
From south to north Eye-to-eye
Reaching Texas and moving west to California
Then driving into the Rockies Eye-to-eye
Up to the Idaho/Canada border
West through Washington and Oregon
Back down the coast back to California

I cultivated eye-to-eye in South America
Starting in Peru, riding through Chile
Argentina, then Uruguay
Looping back around to Peru
12,000 miles

In Europe, Eye-to-eye for 6 months
Starting in Kosovo and driving down to Greece
Up through western Europe to the top of Norway
Down Eastern Europe
18,000 miles through 25 European countries

3 years and 50,000 miles of practicing eye-to-eye.

I am here, remaining centered.
I see you You have to see me too
I do not grasp for you
You are not my answer
You don’t outrank me
No one here worships another.

I’m back on the scent
10 miles outside Zion, I feel a prodding:
Talk to the sky; the spirits of the Earth.

 
Chapter 2
Our Agreement with Nature

We’ve spoken before, many years ago. I asked a nature spirit how it felt about humans using nature to survive.
There are certain sacrifices we are willing to make for you.

Turning my attention to the sky and Earth spirits, I’m brought back to last week’s reflection: Even plants and fungi appear to have consciousness. Maybe even souls?

If every living thing is conscious and feels pain, is there anything left to ethically eat? I think I understand now.
Let’s go back to something like the beginning:

We are beings that have fallen out of wholeness.
We became ill and began experiencing pain
In exchange for numbness we have exiled parts of ourselves Hurting, unhealthy parts
We had logical, but short-sighted reasons
Exiling our inner aspects, we lost access to outer dimensions
Every expulsion was a Fall.

 
We are Earth’s care-takers Shepherds
When we fall, lost dimensions fall into chaos
Evil forces may move in and occupy

Because of our falls, we have damaged the Earth
Because of our falls, Creation suffers as we do
It groans, lacking wholeness, as we do
It painfully endures bondage to a corrupt, fallen existence
We surrendered dimensions we were meant to cultivate.

Good news:
We will recover and integrate the lost aspects of ourselves
We will establish ourselves in the lost dimensions of our world Through this reclamation, we will become whole again
We will liberate all Creation, at least on this planet
Each reclamation is an ascension
A return to glory
Wholeness is the goal
Nothing can overcome the cosmic desire for reconciliation
All will come home

We have fallen too far to recover alone
We were once alive because of our connection to life
Now, in order to live, we have to consume life
Therefore, in order to liberate ourselves and all Creation
We have made a pact with Creation
Perhaps a procession of ancient agreements:

Creation will support us in the journey of restoration
It will fuel us with its essence
Empowering us to reclaim our lost aspects and dimensions
We will bring peace and order, within and without
Liberating all living things, and the domain we were given to tend.

It has agreed to sacrifice
To empower the fallen to produce true sons of God
These will liberate all Creation
The sons will emerge and fulfill humanity’s end of the bargain

There are many aspects to retrieve
Many dimensions to recover
And as we are born again into each of them, we mature
Maturing, we establish ourselves
Established in this new and ancient place
The result is order and fruitfulness
In that aspect and corresponding dimension
They align with the nature of God
They become a blessing

Fueling this enterprise is no small thing
It is a meaningful contribution
Cattle, chickens, and plants
We use their life force to empower us on our journey
Creation helps in other ways as well
We are the tip of the spear.

 
Chapter 3
Creation waits

Creation does its part
It waits for us to do ours.

But Creation is not a princess locked in a tower
It does not twirl its hair, pining for a hero’s arrival
Creation does not passively stand by
It does not pine in breathless wishing
It does not faintly await children of God to come liberate it.

Children have potential, and are loved
They are also immature, ignorant and unformed
Children are innocent; the innocence of naivete
Children are not empowered or authorized
Children also need saving.

Creation fights alongside mankind
It sacrifices, aches, and burns
It looks upon God’s unformed children expectantly
Its hope is a hope for what shall be—
The sons of God shall manifest

Creation is not to be trifled with
It requires its agreements be respected
Its covenants honored.

Creation checks its watch, then looks at mankind
Expecting humanity to produce
Checks its watch, looks at mankind
Who will reclaim their rightful place in this domain?
As a landlord expects rent be paid
With the power to evict its tenants
Creation awaits integrated, whole men and women
The initiated, authorized, powerful, bold, wise to do their part.

One man One aspect One dimension at a time
Creation empowers us, with expectation
That the sons of God will emerge
It celebrates as they surface
Offering greater support to those that do
These sons of God who have faced their falseness
Acknowledged their pretense
Allowed great fears to be held in the light of awareness
Considered how disappointing they might be
Embraced the one who may disappoint
Held that one and allowed truth to speak to it
Refined in the fire of reality
To transform ashes to gold
Taken hold of their birthright
Those who have established themselves
Proven trustworthy to wield the Kingdom’s power.

Creation expectantly awaits the sons who claim their birthright
To step into their authority
To take back the abandoned dimensions
And those sons will usher Creation into a glorious state
Liberating it from bondage to corruption
No more adversarial relationships
No longer feeding on each other
Sustained by our complete connection to divinity
The lion will lie beside the lamb

Creation suffers because of us
Yet, it sacrifices to offer us what we need to emerge
To liberate this world.

• – – –

This was last week’s consideration.
I’m on to something.

 
Chapter 4
Breaking our agreement

I now sit outside Zion recalling this
Talk to the sky; the spirits of the Earth.
An impression arrives:

You are not doing your part
We will stop doing ours.

I’m humbled
I cannot dispute this
We are breaking our agreement
We are not honoring the benevolence of creation
We are not pursuing liberation and wholeness
Instead, we use Creation’s resources to greedily acquire
We use these gifts to enslave
To make war that severs and wounds
We pollute simply to create extravagant comfort
We mine the Earth to build technology
We use that technology to hide from our destiny
We drill for energy
We direct it to fortifications against our calling
We spend time inventing new gadgets
We use them to accessorize our fallen state
To numb a pain that is meant to usher us into the light

Trees and plants offer us oxygen to breathe
We use that breath to worship false idols
Instead of taking back inner aspects and outer dimensions,
we surrender even more, and use Earth to do it.

We don’t just passively violate our agreement
Failing to do our part
We aggressively betray nature and claim it is our right—
That it is Creation’s duty to serve us in this manner
To overfeed us
To empower us to remain unconcerned
To promote our arrogance
We claim Creation’s duty to bankroll our dysfunction
Even to launch us into space
A new frontier for us to spread disease
An entire galaxy to mine, pollute, and discard

We demand Creation help us avoid the work of wholeness
Help us bury our exiled aspects and our shame
We demand Creation fill a bottomless void within us
One that can only be healed with the love we resist.

We are meant to courageously move forward
Toward rebirth, maturity and establishment
in the aspects and dimensions we previously abandoned
Instead, we hunker down in the well-established places

 
Unwilling to courageously embark on the next adventure,
our desire for adventure grows toxic
It expresses as domination of established realms
We over-explore and over-achieve
We over-win at childish games
Creating drama where none need exist
We create false adversaries as we try to collect all the toys
We create new toys, just for the purpose of fighting for them
This is the fruit of cowardice and ignorance.

Once we have dominated
The only thing left to do is destroy
Nihilism is AnNIHILationism
Finding no meaning in our toxic, cowardly path
Unwilling to acknowledge how deeply we disappoint ourselves
Hiding from the possibility of another way
Therefore, life is meaningless
Destroy everything to dull our pain
Destroy others who are fulfilled
They prove our nihilism is just a result of cowardice
And we use Creation of fuel this journey to destruction.

We use Creation as psychopaths use people
In the end, Creation will be spent
We will be worse for it
It will have been in vain.
Sacrifices meant to be used for the good of all—
Repurposed and offered to a false god
One that will cause all to suffer in deeper forms of slavery.

We have broken our agreement for a long time
We don’t appear to be self-correcting
Of our own volition, we are not finding our way home
We feverously race further from truth
We violently flee the honoring of our covenant
Should Creation continue to be spent without compensation?
At the cost of the destruction of all?

It’s time to prune the diseased tree.
 
Chapter 5
The Caterpillar

Exiting my trailer to more clearly see the landscape
Earth and breath and Spirit
A short walk into the desert
Not yesterday’s dynamism
Not the imprint of momentary grandiosity
No stinging, whipping storms
No cries for meaning
It is the quiet, still places
The blessing of no action
The deep

Resting against the folding chair, I feel an agitation on my back
Sitting forward, looking over my shoulder
Catching a glimpse of something dark on the fabric
Wiping it away, it falls on the ground
Moving in the breeze, not unlike foliage
Looking closer, it is a caterpillar in a torn cocoon
It sporadically wiggles as if try to emerge
But caterpillars aren’t supposed to emerge from cocoons
That’s the opposite of what caterpillars do
It must have hitched a ride from the Flagstaff pines
Now finding itself in the Utah desert
If it is to survive, the cocoon needs to be resealed
But, reactively, without considering how nature works,
I try to help by removing the part of the cocoon I didn’t already damage
It’s too late

Undamaged, would it survive here?
Or was it destined to die before maturing?
Does it have a more impactful purpose than becoming a butterfly?

Itching and burning on my back in a spot hard to reach
It struck a man in a way no butterfly could
An impactful life, even in the pupal stage
A cocoon-shaped welt surfaces
I crossed nature and I paid
Is this a confirmation of the warning I recieved?

I feel inclined to go north.

 
Chapter 6
Dolores River

Colorado. In the East foothills of the Wind River Mountain Range. North of Sweetwater River and the Great Divide Basin.

This river 30 feet below rushing through this canyon
Having carved through the bedrock with persistence
The spirits made it clear outside Zion
Yours have not been doing their part.
“Yes, we haven’t been doing our part…”
Wind instantly bursts through the winding terrain
Arriving like a passing train
Collecting my tumbled chair
“…but I want to work with you.”
The wind vanishes.

We cannot stop was is coming
A remnant will do well in it
And each of us can affect our own experience
The reckoning may come
We can each still choose to change course.

“Ancient religion must be based on psychedelics.”

One example is Jordan Peterson thinking the Book of Revelation is the result of a mushroom trip.

Psychedelic Theory is often an excuse used by intellectuals and nonparticipants to dismiss spirituality as something other than transcendent experiences with the Divine.  They pride themselves on their “cutting-edge” theories because they’ve moved from fully dismissing spiritual experiences as myth, to accepting them as forms of hallucination or subconscious surfacing that may have some social value.

Really, these people are just justifying their two-dimensional lives by dismissing the deeper path.  Therefore, they can brush aside the part of themselves that cries out for something more meaningful and challenging.  Something less formulaic and certain.

The Psychedelic Theory takes away from what is often decades or maybe lifetimes of devotion and courage that many of our predecessors practiced.

My realization happened before I tried any substances.  I had never even experienced Cannabis.  I wrote a book about my 7-year sober journey (Unblinding Light) as it was happening, not in hindsight.  If someone in the future surmised that I must have taken mushrooms one day, had these visions, then wrote a book, they would be robbing their generation of a truth worth preserving.

Would my realization been easier with psychedelics?  Maybe, and kind of.  7 years of deconstruction and devotion.  7 years of pain as I rid myself of everything that made me feel validated and valuable.  Years of time when I could have been developing a career or fostering a long-term relationship.  Then I finally disassociated from my non-spirit self and saw who I truly was.  And that wasn’t the end of the journey.  I’m still at it. 

So maybe psychedelics could have taken me there quicker.  And maybe we can parachute down to the top of Mt. Everest… but is that the point?  Or is that just more of the same thinking that brought our world to its current state? 

“I want more, faster, bigger, and right now.  Launch me into space.  I want to go, and say I’ve been there, but I don’t want to pay the price to get there.”

Or is there a person developed in the sober journey toward something real?  Is there courage displayed and practiced, substance and wisdom gained in the process that is as valuable or more valuable than realizing our Oneness or transcending the “ego”?

I honestly don’t know.

People often say that using psychedelics is a practice in letting go of control.  I’ve experienced that.  But what about letting go and opening ourselves to the Spirit, and letting it guide us with the understanding we may not get the big bang at the end?  What about letting go by embracing that we may not be meant to be enlightened in this lifetime and deciding to love ourselves anyway? 

I have had miraculous, instant healings.  I’ve had real visions and revelations.  I’ve been given specific factual information from a divine source.  I’ve had confrontations with evil presences.  I’ve seen human-like beings disappear in front of me.  All completely sober. 

None of my psychedelic experiences touch the powerful present I can experience when I am sober.  This is our birthright.  Here and now.  Dead sober and entirely present.  

But I’ll be honest, I’m stalling out pretty hard right now.  I may have reached the end of real progress and I might be sliding backward (or forward) into the illusion and fear.  And I don’t want to do the work, put in the time, or make the sacrifices to continue my path to freedom and empowerment.  I don’t want to embrace the pain necessary to move forward. 

I don’t like waiting for a bus that may not come.  I want to smoke, ingest, or inject my way forward in between binge watching TV shows.  Maybe I’ll do three days of veganism so the plant medicine “isn’t offended by me,” but I don’t want to have a life of devotion to truth in the hope that there will be something for me down the line.

So maybe I will keep using the tools at my disposal including psychedelics, to get what I want out of life.  But I’m not going bullshit myself or others.  I have to accept that my use of tools to bypass my free-will and force me into a particular state may be a result of my cowardice or limitations.  It may be my issue to deal with.  My failure or weakness.  (And I can accept and love that person.)

But I refuse to pretend that every great and devoted being that came before me must have smoked something (or even practiced excessive breathing exercises, self-flagellation, physical extremism) in order to reach their level of clarity, wisdom, and connection to God. 

I’m an iconoclast.  No doubt about it.  I’m here to challenge authority, tear down the gods, and kill heroes.  I talk a lot of shit, but my hubris has limits.  Elevating and excusing myself by explaining away the brave lives of great people is not something I’m willing to touch.  

I have too much respect for our spiritual ancestors.  May we all be humbly broken by how far we have fallen and how much more we can be.  Honor to our ancestors and the God that walked with them.    

There will soon come a day when all the intellectual abstraction and theorizing will be confronted with real demonstration of divine power in our world.  And all the haughty mythologizing of history and dismissing of the miraculous is going to burn like tissue paper. 

When that time comes, it may be too late to prepare to be a part of it. 

Don’t wait.  If there is someone in you that desperately wants to believe in the miraculous, consider letting that person out now.  Let yourself deeply desire the impossible, even if it breaks your heart, and see if an interesting path doesn’t unfold before you. 

The Cult of Passive Participation

“If you aren’t actively solving a problem, you are passively a part of the problem.”

This belief systems is coming up right now, specifically in regard to racism, but it’s been a Social Justice talking point for years.  The idea that we don’t have the right to be neutral or non-participatory in a cause that someone wants us to support.  It’s not enough to stand aside, we have to help them pull whatever train they chose whenever they chose it.

This fallacy is called Passive Participation, and it’s part of what I’ll call Passive Participation Theology.  The “theology” part is my phrasing and I’ll explain why I added it later.

War propaganda

But this tactic has been used in psychological operations and social manipulation back to ancient times.  More recently after 9-11 George W. Bush said, “If you aren’t for us, you’re against us.  You’re with us or you’re with the enemy.”

President Bush’s Passive Participation declaration is an example of propaganda used to get young men to sign up for wars that don’t affect them.  “If you don’t do something, you’re helping the enemy.  Look at this picture of this little Vietnamese girl.  If you don’t fight, it’s the same as killing her.  Don’t be a murderer.  We have to fight communism in every corner of the world!  It’s your duty.”

And before that, here are some WWI and II posters implying that if you don’t donate money to the war you’re leaving a wounded soldier on the battlefield to die.  Notice how the posters are designed to make you feel like some righteous force is disapprovingly making eye contact with you personally?  Well, that doesn’t feel good.

And with this type of propaganda, what follows is the barbaric caricaturizing of our enemies and the implication that, in your nonparticipation, you are one of them.  Dehumanization.  You can’t be a human if you don’t agree and actively promote my cause.

Passive Participation Theology

Like philosophies that view the world through the eyes of privilege and victimization, any passive participation movement will eventually eat its own tail by further and further alienating its own supports until there is nothing left.  It is more legalistic and condemning than any religion or philosophy that has ever existed.  It goes like this:

While you are actively fighting racism (which, of course, I’m not opposed to), how many little girls are being sex trafficked across national borders?  You are now passively a child sex trafficker.  And when you go to help them, there were 1,000,000 drunk drivers on the roads that you weren’t at bars policing.  Why didn’t you shut down those bars?  You are now passively killing people with vehicles on a daily basis.

Obviously, the list is endless.  Maybe we can carve out time for a few of these causes, but causes are like mates and jobs.  Sometimes we think we can juggle a few at a time, but we end up applying ourselves with mediocrity to all of them and not reaching our potential in any of them.

And when we view ourselves and those around us in this light, we resign ourselves to accepting that none of us will make to a metaphorical heaven.  Our best efforts will only get us to a less tortured level of hell.

So what is implied and sometimes flat-out stated is that our very existence is a sin.  To live a quiet life or to follow our dreams or to do anything other than actively participate in fixing every injustice in the world, our country, or our community is despicable.  You don’t simply deserve to exist.  You have to earn your place on their planet.  In their world.  For those of you who are biblically oriented, this is anti-Christ.

 Terrorism

Passive Participation Doctrine is social and economic terrorism, that says, Do what I say or I’ll execute your character and reputation, and get people to blacklist your business.  The people we influence won’t use your services or buy your goods if you don’t support our cause.  And you may even be violently victimized by some of our less mature supporters.  But what do you expect?  You brought it on yourself by participating.”

Dishonesty

Those at the top of any movement using this technique know that it’s a fallacy.  They know it’s a slimy, manipulative practice.  But they don’t care because they’re morally compromised.  They use it because they don’t respect those they are trying to influence.  They don’t care about individual sovereignty.  They see others as a means to an end.  So organizations that use this tactic often attract actual psychopaths and narcissists to vie for power in their upper ranks.  Because they see a movement of weak-minded people who have proven they can be emotionally manipulated by bad logic and ad hominem attacks.

The other reason they use this dishonest tactic is because they don’t want to have a genuine debate over the validity of their agenda because they don’t believe their cause is actually defensible.  How many times have you seen someone who knows they are losing an argument turn to name calling and emotional appeals.  They say things like, “You’re a something-ist.” Or “how dare you! I can’t believe you would say something like that.”

Like all wars, if you can’t win with enlisted, voluntary soldiers, you have to start drafting them involuntarily.  Non-participation is no longer an option.

Foot Soldiers

So if someone is a believer in a movement that relies on Passive Participation Theology, they are probably at the foot soldier level.  Because after a while, you either realize it’s a fallacy and leave the movement, or you realize it’s a fallacy, but see its value as a tool of manipulation.  If a person goes that course, he or she sells their soul, intentionally participating in the deception over weaker minds, and climbs the ranks of the organization.

But these people feel more slimy than the new, honest believers.  This is why an entry-level, foot-soldier is the best evangelist.  They are more likely to recruit others because they still actually believe what they are saying and can accuse others of their passive participation with genuine conviction and maybe even a few tears.

Attractive, intelligent, young women are really useful in this way but they aren’t useful for long.  They have to get co-opted, educated, and activated before they age out and realize the logical conclusions of what they are promoting.  It’s a race against time. The very intelligence that has been appropriated will quickly wake them up.

Class Privilege

Passive Participation Theology requires a person to have free time and resources to actively fight injustice. The more time and resources a person has to give, the less condemning and shameful their life is.  They get to live in a lesser level of hell.  This means that those without free time and resources to throw in the offering plate are the ones who are passively most guilty in the world’s injustices.  And that, of course is people of lower socio-economic status.

This is an intrinsically classist theology.  It’s favors the upper and upper middle class.  Only they can afford the entry fee.  Only they can afford to pay the indulgences necessary to elevate their status.  Those without means, the underprivileged are excluded. They are left with a choice between bearing the highest level of condemnation or identifying as a victim that is one of the ones in need of saving.

So if you associate classism with racism, Passive Participation Theology is one of the most racist belief systems a person can participate in.  Only those with class priviledge would even consider it.  Nothing wreaks of privilege like the dogma of Passive Participation.

Guilt and shame never motivated people for long.  Old religions know that.  It’s something the Church of Passive Participation is about to discover.

Solution 

So what does the solution look like?  It looks like this:

I exist and I am not sorry.  I am a sovereign individual.  Peace and confidence are my birth right.  I have infinite access to unconditional love and I don’t need the validation of manipulative assholes who threaten me with name calling and social stigma.

I was not born into this work to be drafted into someone else’s war or serve someone else’s cause.  If I help, I do it by choice and no threats are going to change my mind.

If I never do anything again, if I never serve any cause, if I never better the life of one other person, my existence is still justified, and I am worth celebrating.  My worthiness is built in to the fabric of my very being.

And from this place of self-ownership I can establish myself.  I can turn off all the screaming voices and sit down in peace.  I can plant myself firmly in the soil of the earth and feel my roots take hold.  No storm will move me.  And in touch with my spiritual birthright, knowing that my existence on this Earth is fully justified, and that I don’t owe anyone anything, I can ask, “What do I feel called to do right now?”

This might seem like a very exclusive practice that most people don’t have time for.  That’s not the case.  This truth about who we are is so close that we can’t see it.  When we reach for it, we reach past it.

If we sit with in this place with this question, and don’t allow ourselves to be pushed and pulled by the latest events, we will each participate in the causes that we were meant to be a part of.  And in doing so, we will accomplish more than 100 guilt-driven, forcefully drafted foot-solders.  We collectively we can solve every problem in the world.

To those pushing Passive Participation Theology:

Beware.  There is a price to pay for beating on the doors of uninvolved people who are quietly working hard, trying to live their best lives, and raising a family.  If you harass them, start calling them names for not joining you in the streets, if you threaten to destroy their reputation and ability to earn a living if they don’t acquiesce to your demands, some might be victimized into joining you.  But most won’t put up with that shit.  You’ll find out how quickly and decisively the silent majority can bury you.

Keep in mind that if not participating in your cause is as damaging to a person’s social standing and finances as if they were actively against you, you remove a whole lot of motivation for them to not be actively against you.  There might be a lot of silent objectors out there.  And if you attack them as you would your active enemies, why wouldn’t they go fully against you?

So no matter what your cause is, be careful about telling the silent majority they have to pick a side.  The odds are, since you’re the asshole telling them they have to choose a side, they’ll pick whatever is the opposite of you.  And you will be triggering the weaponization of a lot of intelligent, educated, disciplined, capable, resourceful people on behalf of your enemy.

This is not prison.  You don’t get to force people to join a gang.  Do not threaten nonparticipants.  Do not alienate nonparticipants.  They will take their knowledge and resources someplace else and you’ll have no one to tax to pay for your cause.  By the way, nothing says privilege like using laws to get other people to pay for your crusade.

If you’re being evangelized to or brow beaten by a cult member of Passive Participation, just remember, you don’t owe everyone an answer.  We don’t have to be anyone’s puppets.  You don’t owe people an explanation for what you do with your time, what causes you support, what causes you don’t support.  You have a right to exist on this planet.  Your life is worth celebrating just as it is.  You are a soul incarnate in human body in this world.  You are here to have experiences that you have.  You don’t owe an answer to anyone.  This is up to you.

Ride through Mexico #12

Ride through Mexico #11

Bonfil, Mexico – The Revolution Won’t Save You

4,000 miles of Mexico #2

4,000 miles of Mexico #1