I know what happens next:

Posted: December 16, 2010 in Uncategorized

My discomfort motivates me to go out and get a life. I get a job and friends and a place to live. I get a motorcycle, a decent TV, a girlfriend and a routine. I settle in and settle down. I shop at Trader Joe’s and I buy my nieces gifts for their birthdays and Christmas. I find a coffee shop to frequent and a m/c club to ride with. I work out three days a week, treat myself to Thai food and a movie on Friday nights, and mountain bike on Saturday mornings. I snowboard again. I see my parents on Sundays and wish I made a little more money so I could buy that one thing. I have a smart phone and a comfy bed, and when I sit down to write, I feel like a phony. I explain why I’m not a phony and now that life is comfortable, I can be present. But I’m not present. Instead, I’m pleasant. and inside in the damp darkness in a corner that feels like every corner an angry caged skinny scarred violent laughing dirty shaggy-headed thick-nailed burning man violently shakes his cage. He shakes his cage. He shakes and shakes and shakes his cage. Inside a burning man shakes his cage. and he looks at me.

Is it now yet? I want to know. Is it now yet? Because I’m here like I’ve always been. and I’m waiting like I’ve always been. and I’m running like I’ve always been. so tell me, is it now yet?

Is it now yet? Do I have permission to live yet? Can I finally be here now and rest and come home to my inheritance? I dare you to say no. watch the fire consume your house. I’m gonna shake this world and everyone will stagger and stumble toward something to cling to.

I know you think there is something out there. Outside this room or these walls. but there isn’t. there is nothing out there that isnt in here. where ever you search you infect with searching. where you stand you liberate with standing. if you think you are in here, you are in here. if you think you are out there, you are in here. Grasping is failure. Failure is failure. Open to the grasping and failure and live. Everything is here now waiting for you to join in.


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