Go toward the light

Posted: October 20, 2010 in Uncategorized

A lot of people don’t know this, but when you’re dying, you want to be as naked as possible. That’s because you know you’re going toward something more true than this. In the light of death, the lie of daily life is exposed and you suddenly feel the pain and the unnecessary burden of the pretense you’ve been carrying for so long. As you lie dying, you realize that no one can do this for you or with you. No one can summon the courage on your behalf. You die alone, and while that can be a beautiful thing, it also reveals how much effort and time you’ve wasted trying to please people and be okay.

A part of you wants to do it all over again. You want to do it right. Without ego. Without fear. And if you quickly accept this, you move beyond the regret and realize you still have a few moments left. A breath or a blink. You still have the present, for however long it remains and that means it’s not too late to live a genuine moment. As you decide to offer yourself up to a more sincere reality and desire more than anything to be as true as the truth, even the facade of clothing becomes more than your soul can bare. You want to die outside. You want to die unclothed. Because you realize that nothing could be as beautiful or as true as you and this. You realize that no matter what color you paint a sapphire, you can’t add a single bit of beauty to it.

You want to die outside. Oneness is here waiting to receive you and distinction just a dream. And you realize that all the dwellings of man are conceived with the motivation of creating this distinction. Us and Them. Separation. There is something out there that we don’t want in here. Something in here that we want to keep from out there. We have walls to prove it. We put windows in those walls to create the illusion of connection because deep inside, we want to be a part of what is out there. But we’re too afraid or it’s too uncomfortable. But now there’s nothing left to be afraid of. No reason to distinguish ourselves from any other thing. Especially when the self you believe in is about to be no more and the You that is moving on doesn’t need an identity to be at ease. The connection you’ve been craving all your life is no longer subdued by the beliefs you’ve bought into. It comes to the surface. You want more than anything to be connected to something more than fear.

“All these games we’ve been playing. All this struggle. This wasted struggle! All in vain! All a lie! It’s so sad and now I’m so free from it. What a heartbreaking and beautiful revelation. I lie here and laugh and cry. If I let myself, I’d weep for a lifetime. But I don’t have a lifetime left. And I’ve cried enough. So I’ll not cry any longer for those I’m leaving behind and the amazing lie they live. I’ll intercede for them later. But now, I just want to be true. I want to be one. “

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